Thoughts on Recruiting New Climbers…

My girlfriend, while browsing my little home library, came across this book.  I acquired it while I was in Chicago for Lollapalooza two years ago.  I was sitting in a coffee shop that had a give-a-book-take-a-book thing, spotted this relic, and, while I had nothing to give, I felt that I was entitled to be its owner.

She brought it up after coming back to the climbing gym with me, and asked if I had read the passage about how you shouldn’t climb with your girlfriend/boyfriend all the time…

Well, this got me to thinking about a few things.  For one, there have been a lot of people before me who thought about all this stuff like, 20 years ago, and I am in no way a special or profound person.  Then, I thought, Wait, yes I am. So here it is: My Thoughts on Recruiting New Climbers

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Thoughts on Recruiting New Climbers

1. Stop spraying beta at a brand new climber.
2. They won’t know what “flagging” is.
3. You don’t want your significant other to be your sole best climbing buddy.
4. If your girlfriend/boyfriend first climbed with you, find them some other climbing friends with whom they can grow as a climber.  Climbing is a gift that is bigger than your stupid insignificant relationship that’s going to crumble in 7 months anyway. [Disclaimer: Honey, I didn't mean us.  I'm just saying, it's like statistics.  And statistics are imaginary anyway, right?  I knew you'd understand.]
5. If you’re bringing your friend climbing for the first time, let them keep their beginner’s mind.  Give them space to act like a kid, and flail as their feet are eight or nine feet below their hands on a 5.7.
6. Climbing isn’t going to be as fun for your large friend that you’re inviting along just to be nice.  In fact, it might not be fun at all.
7. Your all-star, super-athlete, wire-build buddy will out-climb you shortly after they learn what a figure-eight knot is (you know who you are).  Be prepared, and leave your ego at home.
8. The guy at work that is 30 years your senior wants to be a climber too.  He just doesn’t know it yet.
9. The one label the media gave climbing that will forever limit its accessibility: Extreme.
10. Don’t try to turn the drama queen with the perfect ass into a climber, but bring her along just once so all your buddies can stare at her high-stepping on a 5.5.
11. Better yet, bring her camping.
12. I’m getting distracted.