Steve:
Steve loves to golf, spend money, and smoke cigars while driving golf carts drunk.  He owns a $400 driver and a $2000 set of irons.  Lately, Steve has had a lot of back pain, which has shortened his back swing – he can’t hit a drive over 200 yards anymore.  ”Oh well,” he tells his buddies.  ”You putt for dough, amIrightoramIright??”  No one likes playing with Steve, though, since he gets so angry as to regularly curse and swear at the ball, which can usually be heard by people two fairways away.  As a result, he is left to play with his 3rd wife, who not only out-drives him on every hole, but is 30 years his junior, married him for his money, and he now thinks is cheating on him with the club pro.  Steve dies when, in a rage after shanking his approach shot into a pond 5 yards to his right, he snaps his carbon shaft over his pudgy knee, and sends a shard of graphite flying up into his jugular vein.  Bleeding to death with his wife calling for help, he swears he sees her smile slightly before he blacks out.  His last thought is, “Golddigger.”

Brian:
Brian has been running his entire life.  He eats healthy, has the occasional drink (which gets his 140lb frame buzzed), and has been married for 42 years now.  The doctors praise him for his healthy habits, and he has already done a marathon, seven 5k’s, and three 10k’s this year.  Despite all of these positives, Brian has come to realize that he no longer runs for the competition, or for the enjoyment, since his knees seem to be functioning only on Tylenol and Advil these days.  He is just running because he’s been doing it for as long as he can remember, and it has become a robotic habit at 5:30am every morning.  Everyone knows and respects him in the local running scene, and he was even mentioned recently in a magazine.  He should have been happy for the recognition, but it was only because he was such a consistent competitor in his old age, not because he was ever any good in his younger years.  He decides to run another marathon, since it was the only thing he could think to do to prove he was still worth a damn as an athlete.  At mile 20, he actually starts crying, but he finishes the race anyway.  He lives for another 30 terribly unhappy years, cursing his knees and $200 running shoes.

Nick:
Nick has been climbing since he was 23.  Since he started a bit late, he never really had the advantage of youth to become a competitor.  In spite of this, he worked and trained hard at the sport because he just plain loved the act of climbing.  Eventually, in his late 20′s, he was bouldering V8, and completed a 5.13b.  He met his wife of 30 years, a Playboy model, at the crag, to whom he is still married.  They still climb together once or twice a week, sharing belays and beta.  Their four children were brought up camping, hiking, and climbing with the family dog, and now all four are not only doctors with kids of their own, but also get together with their parents at least once a year for a big climbing trip overseas.  Nick, while he can’t crank on the powerful move he once could, can still on-sight 11′s and usually completes 12′s after a couple tries.  He enjoys doing multi-pitch trad routes with his old climbing buddies, all with equally successful families and their own rewarding lives.  A visit to the doctor – who always tells Nick he has the largest penis he’s ever seen – reveals that he is in perfect health.  Nick lives to be the oldest human, climbing well into his 140′s.  He dies at 146 while free-soloing an El Cap route, which he watched Alex Honnold do 120 years earlier.